It's such a hard thing to watch someone in your life stay stuck in their own situation. You can tell them how to change, what to shift, give them ideas and a way out - but most of the time, they need to see it for themselves first. Living in denial, this person begins to drown in their own story and misery, taking down anyone around them. What can you do?
I've been in this situation many times. I've seen people completely that are totally shut down where their mind is so rigid and closed that nothing can get in. I've seen another situation where the person is usually more open, but perhaps are suffering from a temporary lock down of the mind. Either way, you find yourself helpless, with no control, and the more you try to help, or change the other person, the more fight you get back.
What I've always recommended in these situations and what I do personally is remember how much can be done just within myself. I like to always bring it back to the spiritual journey. Seeing it from this lens takes the emotion of the situation, and stops me from taking anything personally. I remember to accept the situation as if I have chosen it, opening myself to learning the lesson, and seeing it as more of an assignment, rather than a personal 1 on 1 combat.
Now that I've calmed down, and opened up my heart a little bit, I remember that everything is energy - that we are all connected. And that MUCH can be done through me and within me, because I am a part of this person and they are a part of me.
So I start by holding up the mirror - what about this situation bothers me? How is it making me feel? Have I ever felt this way before and is it a recurring theme or pattern in my life? Have I ever been closed down, resistant, or stubborn about something in the past? How did I feel about being that way? I journey or self-reflect on these questions to see what within me created this situation. It has popped into my awareness for a reason, something within me emerging to the top has caused this to emerge in this individual, and now it has been brought to my attention.
Whether or not answers have been revealed to me, I start to send lovingkindness and compassion to this person and me - the parts of me that reflect in the mirror - the parts of them I am resisting. I might even do some forgiveness work or prayers like the ho'oponopono:
Step 1: Repentance – I’M SORRY
Step 2: Ask Forgiveness – PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Step 3: Gratitude – THANK YOU
Step 4: Love – I LOVE YOU
Where I go through each within myself or out loud, telling the person in my mind's eye and heart, that I'm sorry for not seeing them as the divine being they are, asking for forgiveness, thanking them for showing me where I can be better or be healed, and loving them for being a part of me.
Sometimes boundaries are needed - which can be done with power and love, rather than force and fight. The idea is to get yourself feeling better- raising your vibration about it, remembering who you are - source and love - and aligning yourself to it. I went through a phase of separating myself from those who drained me or left me feeling worse at some point in my life. But once I got strong enough and went through my own soul recovery, I came back to these people to bring the light.
It's not our job to save anyone. But they are in your life for a reason - that I am certain of. The universe does not waste a single particle. Meditate, listen to what speaks to you within, and trust it. You know what you need.
Sending you lots of love today xoxoxo