How to Forgive Someone When They Have Hurt You

Forgiveness is by far one of the most powerful vehicles of healing I have ever experienced. I have seen it's incredible effects firsthand in myself, my clients, my family, my community. Forgiveness is more for you than it is for the other person. Here is why:

When we hold onto something someone did, or something we experienced that we believe was hurtful and we don’t fully process it - it remains in the body. This emotion creates blockages and resistance and can manifest into pain and chronic disease. It becomes the lens from which we see the rest of the world, it affects who we are and how we show up and interact on a moment to moment basis. If it affected you enough, you may even have a whole worldview that has developed because of this past experience, or a self-limiting identity that has been formed in response to this past experience. And because the emotion is energy, it will continue to attract experiences like the one that hurt you over and over again, so that it will trigger a release.

If you've found yourself here, then maybe it's time to let it go. Forgiveness is not the same as being a doormat. It is not putting down boundaries or letting people walk all over you. Forgiveness is releasing the energetic/emotional charge related to the event or experience, it is accepting it as part of your creation, it is embracing the gift, the growth and letting love emerge. Once you forgive, you may experience a release of energy, as well as a change in your circumstances. The Course in Miracles calls this a miracle because you have shifted from fear to love.

Forgiveness is something I have learned to do naturally and I am motivated to forgive easily because of what I have seen can happen.

Watch this week’s video for my personal process for forgiving:

  1. Accept the experience as if you have chosen it. You are the creator of your reality. Once you can get that you created this, and on a Higher Self level - chose this as an experience in your life's journey - it will be easier to accept. There is something that needed to be gained from this experience. This may be hard to swallow at first, especially if you experienced pain or trauma from the situation. This is the basis of how we move from the first stage of spiritual growth to the second stage - moving from blame to responsibility.

  2. See the gift. There are no mistakes in the Universe. Did it make you stronger? Did you grow from it? Did you gain knowledge or empathy? Was there a gift? Did this event lead to something good in your life? Sometimes the blame or the pain blinds us from seeing the Truth. As you begin to accept the situation you will be able to appreciate it and this is you opening up your heart. Sometimes adding a heart-opening meditation with this exploration can be helpful. Try this meditation

  3. See it with compassion. As you begin to appreciate the situation or person, your heart will begin to see why perhaps this happened, why this person acted in this way - and why it's safe to let go. A way to find compassion is to break through the judgment and find the connection - see the mirror between you and the other person. What did they do and have you ever done anything similar or are you doing it presently in some similar but different way? Find the connection. See that the other person is you.

  4. Holding on to grudges does not align with having an extraordinary life. If you want to live your best life, then you must raise yourself to a certain vibration. Resentment and emotional blocks do not serve you or support you in attaining this. You will only attract who you are being - so if you want a life you love, be love. Use the power of forgiveness.