The Confidence Factor

So I'm having an event February 11 called the Confidence Factor (You can check it out here). 

And I decided to have this event because over the past month in talking to women I've had a lot of self-reflection of where I came from. I've been telling my story of where I am now and where I was, but I guess I hadn't really stopped and thought about it - the immense transformation I have gone through. 

The Universe provided me with opportunities this month to remember so I wanted to share it with you.

That I had zero confidence and self-esteem which affected me in every area of my life. I remember being such an amazing athlete and giving up before the finish line because I was afraid. Not jumping on opportunities because I was too scared. Not telling someone how I really felt because of fear. No self-care, I was promiscuous, and didn't value my worth.  I was addicted to drinking and drugs and escaping constant from my reality. 

I didn't actually realize I was smart until law school, and I didn't fully own it until much later. I had an unhealthy relationship with food and my body. I remember being so mean to myself and the names I would call myself in my head. 

I had no friends. No relationships. I ruined all of them with fear and avoidance of conflict. 

That at one point, my marriage was a co-dependent relationship where I depended on my husband to fulfill me and complete me in all the voids of my life. So when he decided to have a life or he started to become successful I was filled with severe insecurity and jealousy and fear which almost broke us apart. 

I felt like a victim to my own life. Chaos. Powerlessness. Holding myself to impossible standards which set myself up for failure. Seeing a vision of who I wanted to be, but not believing in myself enough to try to get there. 

I can put myself back there and see it.

And then I remember reaching my 30's and there was one birthday where I woke up and thought, holy shit, I love myself! I don't want to be anyone else! 

And I've only fallen deeper and deeper in love with myself since. Embracing all of my scars, cracks, imperfections, and flaws. It's what makes me, ME. And I wouldn't change a damn thing. 

I'll be sharing my journey on February 11, along with what I did (and what I do daily) to keep stepping up my game. 

You can register here if you'd like to join me.